Five Elements Ninja (1982).
Well, I just know it was a grrrreat movie when I start the review by sitting here, staring at the screen and trying to decide which bit of the madness to describe first.
Let’s start with a quick recap of the five classical elements. Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and, uh, uhm… Heart? No, sorry, that’s Captain Planet. Lizard! No, sorry, that was the last movie. Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat? No, sorry, that reference is probably a bit old now.
So let’s be serious for a moment. What is the fifth element? In Japanese philosophy, it is Void (or Aether). Hinduism? Same again. Looking like a winner here. Buddhism? Oh, only four elements, except for when there are six, and then the two extras are space and consciousness. But stop! This is a Chinese movie. The fifth element in Chinese Philosophy is metal.
So. Must be earth, air, water, fire and metal.
Ok. Got that sorted. Now we can get on and enjoy the movie featuring earth, water, fire, wood and gold.
The chickens are dubbed. Wearing all white is clearly a thing. Where did she get that hat? Where did they get that net? This is several movies rolled into one and none of them have a real ending. It’s no wonder this review is bizarre.