Attack of the Super Monsters (1982)
It’s the future! The year 2000! I SAID IT IS THE FUTURE!
Now, I thought that Appleseed (2004) was clever for having traditional animation style backdrops with CGI characters.
I’m so pleased to be able to share with you that Attack of the Super Monsters is even better than that. It combines modelled backgrounds with actors-in-suits-monsters with… wait for it… anime characters. Yeah. I can feel you wondering even now… why haven’t you already heard of this?
Because it is not really tremendously very good. The blurb will have you believe that the Gemini Force, a group of plucky kid/s, will leap into action and save the world from the awakening of the sentient giant dinosaurs. Whereas in fact Gemini Force is Jim and his sister Gem plus two other geeky fat bespectacled looking goons who sometimes get a good line. Jim and Jem can strike their forearms together to create Gemini, which basically makes Jim become a bit sparkly and Jem to turn their plain Jane rescue vehicle into a flying, slicing, drilling machine of doom. But only for three and a half minutes.
I mean, apparently she’s his sister. We thought they were, you know, together for the first half of the movie. Jem doesn’t wear any trousers but does have a very short skirt. At one point when Jim and Jem are arguing, he resolves the situation with a good slap to the face. Look, domestic abuse isn’t funny, kids, and it’s enough to award her role only the ‘helpless female’ tag despite the fact she gets second billing.
Oh and the sentient dinosaurs? Yeah, they’re real. Their plans involve armies of bats and rats, one at a time rules ok?
I just don’t know what else to say about a movie that wastes valuable run time on a plot hook of the team arguing because one half wants to save the civilians trapped in the falling Eiffel Tower and the other half wants to phone another response team to deal with it for them. Luckily for you, the good folks over at Rifftrax do know what to say, and they say it plenty so you should totally watch their version so you can agree with them.
There is no real conclusion to this movie which is partially understandable as it’s some TV episodes edited together to give it enough run time, so I’m not going to bother trying to give this review one either.