Little Monsters (2019)

Little Monsters (2019) 93min | Comedy, Horror | 15 November 2019 (UK) Summary: A washed-up musician teams up with a teacher and a kids show personality to protect young children from a sudden outbreak of zombies.
Countries: UK, Australia, USALanguages: English

It would be harsh and possibly even unfair to state with certainty that the yellow dress is very nearly the best part of this movie, and yet I feel so compelled to do so.

Where does this movie go so wrong? It starts with our hero of dubious quality – Dave – and his shouty, spiteful, childish break up with his girlfriend. He ends up sleeping on the sofa at his sister’s house, where he proceeds to be a truly awful uncle to his young nephew Felix. That is, until he realises that Felix’s teacher is totally hot and so he volunteers to help chaperone a trip to a local attraction.

The local attraction is next to a military testing facility, from which zombies promptly escape.

Dave continues to suck. He sucks so bad that he gives food to his nephew that he is life-threateningly allergic to, insists on giving the required EpiPen shot and does so inaccurately, forcing the real hero of the movie (Miss Caroline, the teacher) to go out into a zombie infested landscape to get a spare.

In fact, Dave sucks so bad that the movie has to introduce a new character that sucks even harder than he does: a children’s TV presenter that is alcoholic and addicted to sex and boastful and potty mouthed and cowardly and fat. This new character has just one part to play: to make Dave look more deserving of a redemption arc than the zombie with face full of porcupine quills.

Of course, by the end of 1 hour and 33 minutes, Dave is transformed to a ukelele-playing, Neil-Diamond-singing, likeable man who understands all his issues and is going to be a decent human being from this day onwards. There is even an obligatory shot where his sister is allowed to gaze adoringly at them all while they are in a quarantine tent. He gets his undeserved redemption arc and frankly I think the movie is somewhat the worse for that.

Meanwhile, Miss Caroline is nearly a real female hero since she holds together her job, her class, and nearly all of her dignity during the combined onslaught of the car-wreck that is Dave, the zombie outbreak, the other awful guy. She is only held back from being a real female hero by the script requiring Dave to save them by driving a tractor very badly.

This movie is sadly right down there in the nearly the worst category.


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