A fabled diamond. A mysterious coffin. A model train going to Scotland. Colonel Sebastian Moran. What could possibly stop Sherlock Holmes from figuring out exactly what is going on?
Absolutely nothing, as it turns out.
I like to think that at one end of the train, some kind of tough guy is walking resolutely from left to right in many frames, and perhaps at the other, there’s a zombie outbreak: caught in the middle is Hercule Poirot complaining about his eggs. It’s the only way this movie is bearable. Oh, that and the good people at RiffTrax who helped me get through this.