It’s still a relatively dark time of year, with these long late winter evenings stretching out in front of us. Or is it early spring? I can never remember which. Lately we’re just watching the storms roll in one after another each weekend: Ciara, Dennis, Ellen and now Jorge due. Rain soaks our already sodden to the brim isles. Even our prime minister is managing to stay out of the headlines, largely by also remaining indoors I think. The time of year that most folk with a TV reach for the remote. We’re no different. Just that instead of TIVOing the latest Strictly Come Bake Off, it’s back to the Rifftrax archives we go.
Welcome to the Dark Power. It isn’t a complicated movie. A group of plucky kid/s move into a house recently vacated by the death of an eccentric old Native American Indian, who believed that Toltec sorcerers would rise from their undeath to take over the world. I say “kid/s” because the movie would have me believe that they are at some kind of school, maybe university. The house slowly fills up: first with nice young women, then for no reason I can fathom they let a racist young woman with very negative attitudes move in, and then she lets her racist and sexist brother with racist and sexist friends also move in. Apparently all of this is unfixable, the nice young women just have to try and put up with the unpleasantness and protect their heirloom silverware. I’M NOT EVEN JOKING. Then as if that weren’t enough, four Toltec undead sorcerers do indeed rise from their grave and attempt to kill/sexually assault everyone in the house. If only someone had warned them!
Anyway, the local ranger is fortunately on hand to fend off the zombies with a whip. There is a fabulous scene where one of the zombies fights back – also with a whip! That bit lasts for ages.
You should totally watch this movie. But only, and I repeat, only the Rifftrax version. Oh, and the movie poster is about 95% lies.