Velvet Smooth. Mmmm. Now there’s a character name. All the way from 1976, Rifftrax brings you their usual gently irreverent take. It’s also a blaxploitation movie, which generally means that it portrays disproportionate numbers of stereotypical film characters showing bad or questionable motives, including roles as criminals.
I was delighted that the plot of the movie revolved around three strong female leads. I mean, they are irrationally and unrealistically strong female leads, but then again, no one in this movie can do martial arts for toffee, so it’s perfectly reasonable that the three women can’t either. They are basically the Charlie’s Angels of Harlem, busy sorting out perplexing issues that criminal kingpins just don’t seem to have time to do themselves. Like, for example, audit their accountant. Or put extra security on courier routes where money from numbers games was transported. There was even a sting at the end of the movie that made logical sense.
The film stock quality was pretty dire, apart from the segment in the middle when it improved but the sound quality suffered instead. Nearly every scene seemed to end just a few seconds too soon, which makes a refreshing change if you’re a RiffTrax aficionado, because usually every scene lasts way too long. The fight choreography was, well, there was no fight choreography. I’m only surprised they didn’t have cartoon ‘POW’ and ‘BIFF’ bubbles appearing on screen. But, you know what? I think it was ok. Terrible. But ok.