Project Moon Base (1953)

Project Moon Base (1953) 63min | Sci-Fi | 4 September 1953 (USA) Summary: A saboteur posing as a scientist strives to destroy the world's first space station.
Countries: USALanguages: English

We watched the Mystery Science 3000 (MST3K) cover of this ruinous beast. The only saving grace is that it is short. It is so short that when they riffed it, they put a couple of episodes of the serial ‘Radar Men from the Moon’ in front. Now I ask you, what wouldn’t be improved by fronting anything with this:

“Lady, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store.”

As it turns out, Project Moon Base was not improved by Commando Cody precoursing it.

Not one little bit.

Welcome to the future! It is 1970! The future! Where the main lead is a woman but…

You know it’s not good when I use the word ‘but’, right?

She’s a ranking military officer. But it’s made clear that it was given to her as a publicity stunt. Her name is Colonel Briteis but everyone calls her “Bright Eyes” including to her face. Another officer threatens to put her over his knee and spank her.

Colonel Briteis has to go on a mission with her ex to fly around the moon even though neither of them want to do that, seemingly to the point where it would jeopardise the mission. Oh, and a dour old man who turns out to be a suicide spy. They are forced to land on the moon and await rescue.

“I’ll just stand here in my shapely shorts then shall I?”

The President, who is also a woman, immediately declares that the Colonel must marry her ex because otherwise it would not be seemly for her to be stranded alone on the moon with a man otherwise. (Suicide spy is dead by now, which is lucky for him in balance). This is discussed with the ex, by the way, not with her. Luckily the crash landing seems to have altered her frame of mind because she’s now quite sweet on her ex again and is very happy to be married. Remotely.

There is only one other female character in this movie, she is a fat woman who dresses badly, called Polly Prattles (journalist, duh). “Fun” is made of her weight, to her face.

Christ on a moon rocket. Bring back Commando Cody!

Leave a Reply