Light Blast. Ooo. I wonder what is mysterious title could possibly indicate. It’s so emotive. So very evocative of… oh, it’s a fricken Laser Beam. Oh. How very… precise and scientifically accurate of the title.
So the movie opens in a train yard, that may or may not be abandoned, and some frisky young adults going for it, you know, because there’s clearly nowhere more comfortable to have sex than in a goods train carriage. Except a van pulls up and shoots a LIGHT BLAST at a curiously modern giant LCD clock is the otherwise dystopian train yard. And then, very slowly, a few minutes after that, half the train yard just kinda melts. And the young adults too, who now seem to be made of, um, plasticine.
Huh. So that happened.
And then we cut to a bank hostage scene, with some bank robbers who don’t really seem to have thought things through very well. They want a plane and some lunch. The lunch is delivered by Erik Estrada who is wearing only a very small pair of black pants. That’s UK pants, by the way, so underwear.
And then there’s some more homelier scene setting, and then a ransom demand. Lots of money or a thing and some people will be blown up! Erik Estrada’s character (I can’t remember any of their names despite having seen this only yesterday) goes to a stunt car rally on a randomly assigned stake out. Team Evil turn up in a van disguised as a TV station broadcast van. Erik Estrada’s Hero Cop character—spots them really easily. They still have time to fire a LIGHT BLAST which apparently melts lots of people but shouty enough that Hero Cop can chase them.
And, my word, does he chase them.
In fact, he chases them for the rest of the movie, on and off, in a randomly escalating manner that culminates with an attack on Hero Cop’s home and then—then suddenly, the end happens, and is rather anticlimactic.
Our good friends at RiffTrax kept us company for this eternal chase scene in San Francisco.