Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985)

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985) 72min | Action, Adventure, Family | October 1985 (USA) Summary: When evil screams throughout the world. When all the galaxies converge. When all that's fair and fine seems lost. A Hero will emerge.
Countries: Argentina, USALanguages: English

There are, apparently, three kinds of wizards in the universe of this movie.
1) Dorkily good wizards
2) Slyly evil wizards
3) Arrogant preteen wizards

So that covers the ‘wizards’ element of the title.

Now. About the ‘lost kingdom’ bit.

Well, honestly, I have no idea. And I’m not convinced the writers did either.

The poster accuracy? This poster is about 30% lies. The kid never rode that thing. There was no sea, or boat, or shield. There are some other covers in the IMDb that are somewhat more, um, shall we say, fanciful. Like this one. Which has a skeksi from The Dark Crystal on it too!

Basic plot lines, then, Simon is a wizard of the third kind mentioned above. His dad is a wizard of the first kind, until a wizard of the second kind rolls up and nicks a kingdom. His dad gives him a ring of enormous magical power-which he immediately drops-and then Simon and his great big furry magical pet are teleported away somewhere. Into a wood.

Luckily Simon meets a wandering hero, who takes him under his wing, Luckily for Simon, that is, not for us, because otherwise this movie could have ended much, much sooner. What else? There are some scenes that could loosely be described as a training montage, but only if you were very kind in such a description. Simon irreverently and irresponsibly raises some warriors from the dead, and somehow isn’t seduced by a glamorous encounter with a woman in a veiled bower. Meanwhile…. no, you know, it’s no good. I just can’t continue. This movie was pretty dire. Some of it was footage from two other movies! Look. I mean, just look at this, will you?

You sum this up, okay? I’m going to drink some alcohol to try to forget. Thank the heavens there’s no sequel to this monstrosity.

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