Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983)

Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983) 94min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy | 15 August 1983 (USA) Summary: Three people are transported into a parallel reality, where they find they must use modern technology, but medieval weapons, in order to save the citizenry from a murderous warlord.
Countries: UKLanguages: English

It’s always best when our Rifftrax is of a pretty dire movie. And This one is all sorts of dire. Echoes of Romancing the Stone clash with this extraordinary blend of mad science merged with swords and sandals.

A summary, I suppose.

Modern Blonde Woman drives badly and as a consequence meets Plaid Shirt Man. They argue. She leaves. At the house of Mad Scientist , Modern Blonde Woman observes him sending objects through a poorly understood rift in space and or time. Mad Scientist falls in. Due to coincidence, Plaid Shirt Man comes to the same house and finds Modern Blonde Woman. They argue. He falls in. Then she does too.

Modern Blonde Woman awakes in a wilderness and so calmly begins to just walk around. Eventually Plaid Shirt Man pops up and rescues her in the nick of time. Welcome to another dimension, where there are many of the elements of a high fantasy world (including some of the cast from Hawk the Slayer) except without magic. Soon Plaid Shirt Man is up skirting her, and without much more time passing, Modern Blonde Woman is swimming naked in a pond (and needing rescue again).

They make sweet, sweet love in the long grass. Because it’s obviously destined to be. But then Modern Blonde Woman is stolen by Brooding Sex Criminal and Plaid Shirt Man is shot, and left for dead. Oh no!

Turns out that Mad Scientist is enabling Brooding Sex Criminal to become a warlord (by using Science!). Plaid Shirt Man stages a heroic rescue after undergoing several side quests (and levelling up along the way). They all escape and then Plaid Shirt Man and Modern Blonde Woman manage to return to their own dimension where it is possible that medical care for all the diseases they contracted while away is better than there. Well, maybe.

It’s an overly simplistic live action roleplay of a movie. It is wince after cringe after eye-roll. If not for the caustic wit of the Rifftrax team, this would have been very nearly the worst. As it is, it escapes that classification by a mere breath or so.

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