Suburban Sasquatch (2004)

Suburban Sasquatch (2004) 97min | Action, Adventure, Comedy | Video 26 August 2004 Summary: When a giant blood-thirsty anthropoid goes on a killing in a sprawling suburban park area, it's up to a couple of rangers, a reporter and a mystical Native-American Warrior to try and stop it.
Countries: USALanguages: English

The lovely folks at RiffTrax brought us this utter gem. It’s amazing. It’s outstanding. I could barely take my eyes off the screen.

Let’s talk about the costume. One of the things I learned when I started to sew garments was a quote that went along the lines of ‘when you press or iron an item adequately before, during and after construction, that’s the difference between home made and hand made’. In other words, there are techniques that bring a certain professionalism to creating things. The costume for the sasquatch was home made. Just take a minute now to think about what I’m saying. From the mismatched fur hands to the sculpted mammary area, right down to the furry swaying tallywhacker. That’s right, folks. Sasquatch is anatomically correct in every way. No cheeky little purple pants here.

Let’s talk about the plot. Underneath the heavy veneer of a trashy monster movie, there is a warning that as humanity encroaches upon nature, it pushes back. As I say, this is largely obscured by the trappings of a trashy monster movie and what we actually have is some dodgy CGI, a hand made monster suit, and lots of folks ending up as monster chow.

There is a person who could be described as a real female hero if you squint your eyes like this and tilt your head like that and take your medicine like so and watch this movie when you are half asleep, half drunk, or both. Regrettably she is a cultural misappropriation nightmare, portraying a Native American woman on a holy (?) journey to protect humanity from nature which is pushing back against humanity pushing back nature (?). She wears an itty bitty deerskin dress, some trashed looking Ugg boots, and I’ve seen better bow replicas at live action role-play events.

Oh, and she falls in love with a male white man who somehow manages to have to save her from the cave of the sasquatch (yes, really) despite the fact that he’s not a, well, character. I can’t remember his name. I can’t remember her name. All I can remember now is that there was a great subplot where it turned out that the police officer who is not thin had previously lost his wife to the sasquatch as well.

Oh, and she has magic tent powers and only uses it to create a 6ft square pop up nylon affair. Guess she needs to level that spell.

Do not get me started about the local hunters. I just can’t even.

Now you know I love a great B movie. And I have deep and utter abiding respect for anyone who wants to make a movie and just goes out and does it. Somewhere deep inside this is a movie that someone wanted to make and they did make it, and that in and of itself is just awesome. It’s just a shame that, amongst other things, the movie poster feels it needs to have some image that simply isn’t even in the movie.

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